Survivor healing from childhood sexual assault raises awareness during Sexual Assault Awareness Month

A survivor healing from childhood sexual assault told News 9 that she hopes to help others who may be experiencing the same thing. 

“I am a survivor of child sexual assault. It greatly affected my life,” said Tonia Byers. 

Byers, like many survivors, did not see justice.  

“The gentleman that was responsible was never held responsible – legally.” 

It’s an occurrence that the Intervention & Crisis Advocacy Network, or ICAN, said happens all too often. 

“63% of sexual assaults are never reported to the police,” said ICAN’s Executive Director Matt Whetzel. 

Byers explained that, “There are a lot of sexual assault victims that are afraid to come forward, whether it's they're afraid of their offender; they feel ashamed...” 

She said the response from her family did not help. 

“My family chose to sweep it under the rug, which affected me greatly, but that was initially how I got involved in victim services was by sharing my personal testimony,” she shared. 

What are some common misconceptions about survivors of sexual violence? 

One common misconception, the organization explained, is that the survivor could have done something to prevent it. 

“A lot of times the questions are, ‘What was she wearing? Was she drunk? Was he drunk?’ When it comes to sexual violence —’ Where were they at?’ It's victim blaming, essentially.” 

Whetzel said it is not the individual’s fault. 

“Sexual violence is: anytime a sexual act of any kind happens without consent, and in my field, substance abuse or alcoholism or mental health are all elements that sometimes are involved, but they're not the cause.” 

Another common misconception is the true toll the trauma takes on survivors, he added. 

“There’s going to be depression. Then you think about anxiety disorders that can stem from this. You talk about the shame and guilt that survivors experience and the emotional toll it takes on them,” Whetzel said. 

The organization continued, “It's not like you get robbed, you file a police report and you move on-- maybe you get your stuff back; maybe you don't. When there's sexual violence, the trauma that happens and that develops as time passes is immediate and ongoing.” 

What are some of the dos and don’ts of supporting survivors? 

Do: “Listen. Validate their feelings." 

Don’t: Minimize or blame. 

Do: “Believe them. Believe their story.” 

Whetzel said a survivor’s story may change over time because “some elements don't come back until later— that doesn’t mean they’re making up their story. That is an absolute direct result of trauma.” 

Don’t: “Question.” 

Do: “Support their decisions as they go through this process.” 

Don’t: “Judge." 

For Byers, healing has come in the form of writing. 

“I've always written poetry. That's actually what helped me through my sexual assault as a child. Writing was my saving grace, and I just made a promise to that little girl that I was at 9/10 to use that gift to encourage and inspire others, and that's why I still do it today,” she finished. 

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence, call 1-800-522-SAFE (7233) or 211 for resources.