Motivation Monday: Tips for taking accountability

Do you hold yourself accountable? It seems like a simple question, but a new study from Harvard University finds that 50% of leaders, including parents, avoid holding employees or children responsible because accountability is viewed as punishment.

Joining the News 9 team on Monday to talk more about taking accountability is local nonprofit ReMerge CEO Erin Engelke.

ReMerge helps women and mothers facing incarceration for non-violent felonies as an alternative to serving time in prison.

As part of her role at ReMerge, Engelke often sits down with many of the women who come through their doors.

Q: When it comes to accountability, is owning that feeling the first big step?

Engelke: I was so surprised when I first started at ReMerge as their CEO, I sat down with some of our moms who've been in the program for quite some time, and I asked, "What brings you the most joy of being a part of ReMerge, or what has contributed to your success?" What surprised the daylights out of me was that they said that for the first time in their life, they've been held accountable for their actions, and that accountability has motivated them to be more successful in life. It caused me to think ... How are we doing in terms of holding ourselves and others accountable, both as parents, leaders, and just as community members?

Q: Sometimes, I feel like I let people down and I kind of want to avoid that. But you say, keeping commitments is pretty simple?

Engelke: Absolutely, if you commit to something whole, follow through on that. That's a part of holding yourself accountable, and that can be challenging. If you find that you've made a commitment and you felt really good about it initially, and then the day comes and you're like, "I don't think I want to go," that is actually not modeling really good behavior for those around you and also disappoints others in your life. Be mind more mindful of what you say yes to.

Q: If you miss the mark, make things right. I always appreciate it if just someone says, "I own that." Is it a relief instead of blaming someone else?

Engelke: Unfortunately, we tend to want to shield ourselves from our responsibility. But the truth is, we need to do a better job of just being vulnerable and saying, "You're right, I was wrong in that, and I'm so sorry."

Q: Why is it so important to own it and not play the blame game?

Engelke: I don't know about you, but I don't like to be blamed for something that I didn't do. Be mindful of the effects on those around you, and you know, some of life's best learnings come through challenges. When we fail, we learn from those. You can learn from those failures if you choose to.

Q: How do you go about not being so critical and so hard on your kids? What's the balance of accountability with your children?

Engelke: A lot of it is communication, setting those standards up front to say what is acceptable and what is not; if you behave in this way, then this is the consequence, right? The quintessential example is in the grocery store, and you're standing in line and your kid is losing it because they want something, and they're throwing a fit. As long as you've set the expectation going in, that when we go into the grocery store, I'm not buying you something, and then if they lose their cool in the store, you say, "Well, this is the consequence." It is OK to admit to your kids when you messed up every once in a while because they need to see that you're human also and that you're holding yourself accountable as a parent.